Welcome to the ramblings of a madwoman. No I am actually mad. Well to be more politically correct ‘I have Bipolar Disorder’. But if you are talking to certain members of my family, friends, or random dickheads online or on social media I am mad. Or ‘ a danger to society and the general public’ which was levelled at me during a disagreement with one uneducated, bulldog looking, advert for contraception. In hindsight, far from being offended, I quite liked that label – and have it on a mug, t-shirt and a personalised note pad. I had done no more to this individual than disagree with them on social media, but when the argument is lost, as well as the moral high ground, the only thing left they could do was ‘out’ me for being Bipolar. At the time that hurt more than the remarks about my weight, or the insults levelled about my home, or general appearance. However looking back my outlook has since changed. I’ll share why in this blog.
So why do I have a blog. Well I was asked to start one after yet another rant on my Facebook page, that several of my friends found hilarious, and told me to start a blog. So, what with it being new year, I thought why not. But in light of several events that have happened I thought that instead of using a blog as an excuse to rant (I have my facebook page for that) I would use it to share my truth with the world. Or more likely just me. I am not expecting anyone to stick with my ramblings, but if you have made it this far, I salute you. I promise my self indulgent musings will get more interesting, and a point to this will become apparent quickly I promise.
As I mentioned I have Bipolar Disorder. It is not something I hide, but nor do I share it openly. I am open if asked about it, but the vast majority of my friends or family do not know I have Bipolar, and they do not know the extent of what I go through sometimes. I am not ashamed of it, no more than I am ashamed of having brown hair or green eyes. I was born with the potential for this to develop, and I can help it no more than I can help my eye colour or hair colour. However it is time I got braver about being more open about it. I am a heartfelt believer in breaking the stigma surrounding mental health and it is about time I put my money where my mouth is so to speak. I want to share my experiences, not just for the benefit of whoever happens to be reading, but also for me. I am hoping this blog will be an outlet for me as well. I find writing helps me process things and make sense of events, thoughts and feelings.
So what can you expect from my ramblings. Well apart from being Bipolar, clinically obese (thanks for that one doc), sarcastic, and somewhat outspoken (not really selling myself here am I?), I am honest, occasionally funny (or so I’m told), definitely funny looking, a mother of four, a wife to a long suffering husband, a student at a demanding university, daughter, sister, friend and hopefully the inspiration for more people to be honest about their own struggles with mental health. If through my posts I help one person to feel a bit better about what they are going through then this will have been all worth it. Moreover, this blog is for me. An open online diary for myself to chart the ups and downs of this year that I thought I would share with you all.
I wanted to call this blog the diary of the unpaid, unappreciated and unmedicated, but to be honest it was too long to type. But essentially that is what this is. So my day to day events, my random musings, my effort to recover from an especially bad episode of depression, my attempt to lose the four stone I have put on since my medication was changed, my attempts to manage my house, my family, my studies and life in general, will all be posted here. As well as my unfiltered opinions on life, love and whatever happens to have pissed me off that day. Fair warning the only thing I love more in the world than cheesecake is my love of expletives. There will be a few. My mouth is as foul as my temper was when Trump won the US election. Or when the Conservatives won the election. Or Katie Hopkins when….well any given day really.
So hello, welcome and Happy New Year.
Laura 🙂 x